Sunday, April 11, 2010

Flared Nostrils

April has not been a good writing month for me. I just can't seem to get inspired to put the words on the page. In mid-March I finished the first draft of my second manuscript and then I was like - and then what?

First drafts are fun because you can just keep pouring out the words. Even if they stink you just keep right on typing. Word court is all that matters. Then you get to the mystical 100,000 and keep right on going and going and going. Now the rough stuff begins. The chopping and pruning. The slicing and dicing to make it all make sense and not exceed the line in the sand at 100,000 words.

To take a break I thought I would take an online class on writing sex scenes. One of my favorite things in the whole entire world. Both on the page and between the sheets. It starts out fun enough until bam! I open an email and there it is the epitome of purple prose the words that make me want to hurl all over my monitor... "FLARED NOSTRILS"

Flared nostrils are not sexy, they aren't hot, those two words have absolutely NO place in a sex scene. Nostrils are not erotic, nostrils are not pretty and unless you've got some really weird fetish, nostril stimulation does not have any place in a sex scene. After reading that faux pas all the class emails are being deleted without being opened. What a waste of $25.

Maybe if it's a shape shifter, then maybe just maybe I can kinda get it... but those two words make me cringe.

Once upon a time I attempted to read a book by a fairly well know erotic author. Attempted being the key word here. There was so much nostril flaring that I just couldn't do it. Seriously, a nostril flared on almost every single page. You could have made a drinking game out of it and been comatose by the end of a chapter. Horrible, horrible writing and even more horrible, horrible editing. I put down the book and prompted returned to the trade pile for my next visit to McKays.

How does crap like that get published? How the hell did this author get in anthologies with such talented writers as Laurell K. Hamilton and Sherrilyn Kenyon? What is wrong with the universe? If you don't believe me check out this book and count the flaring nostrils... come on I double dare ya!

Amok and alas... maybe my voice is coming back... I'm off to work on a naughty novella featuring Courtney Dalton and absolutely no flared nostrils.

1 comment:

  1. Everyone has their deal breakers...flared nostrils...twitching...throbbing...quivering.